confusion of decisions

don't even know if title is grammatically correct.
was going to blog about last sunday. that can wait.

ahhhhhhhhh i don't know what to do? can someone tell me?
actually, i know what i want to do, but i won't get into med this year, so i don't know what to do in the meantime...

med sc has a higher chance of getting transferred to unsw med. 15/240 students =6.25% while undergrad is approx 200/4000=5%
but by that stage, everyone is super smart. even in high school i won't be in the top percent, and everyone around you is smart at uni. with a med sc degree, it seems alright, except what job can you do apart from teaching and research? i don't want to do research for the rest of my life, that's the same with an adv sc degree, research....maybe for a year, but not for life...

medicinal chemistry is just making the drugs. pharmacy is more than that. i think pharmacy is a good degree since it's at usyd, and i want to go usyd since it looks sahhh nice (: but the atar is 85.1 and then everyone would think i'm stupid because i got into a "low" atar course.
eye surgery sounds cool, but both optometry and medicine are soooo competitive.

i've spent over an hour just browsing. i wish my parents just told me what to do so i don't have to waste time thinking. they don't care what i do as long as i get into uni, since they didn't go to uni (and thus i'm also a bit slow compared to children of uni parents)
i was reading stuff, and at james cook, you have to spend 2 years in rural places like darwin/cairns. i cannot stand hot places, and don't want to be isolated from people for so long.
did you know, bond uni is a private university, and to study med there costs $300 000+!!!!!!! i can buy my own apartment. i guess that uni is for rich people who have money but not high enough marks.

ahhh, what to do?
i want to help people. biomed engineering also sounds cool, but idk, i heard it's best to go overseas with one of those degrees...like you can help people, and watching the paralympics (on 22) is so inspiring. btw, those olympians with no legs and arms are still soooooo much faster than me, so amazing, and their will to do it all

i don't think i'll be able to decide. so, i guess i'll see if i get a scholarship and then do that course. but if i don't, then i will need to continue to think about what to do...

my belonging creative made my ext 1 teacher cry, it made my adv teacher say "i love it" which is super rare. Y U NO GIVE ME A RANGE!? i hate external markers, so subjective. i guess i wasn't the only one. this guy in my class also had a good story which the english staff agreed, but the external markers thought it was "recount" in which he got "slammed" for it....