Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Not over yet 😭😔

5+ years of exams and study all into 20mins. They literally only test you on 1% of the things you study. 3+ weeks of continuous study, now an extra week of study. Longest exam period ever at 4.5 weeks. Longest year ever starting at beginning of Jan and ended  beginning of Dec.

The pressure is way too high. Yesterday I was 90% sure I'll get a supp, now today I'm 95% sure I'll get a supp, since although I didn't 'kill the px', I didn't mention stuff that would 'kill the px' and didn't finish the cases in time. Sighhhh, why do I mind blank? Also saying I don't know doesn't help either.

I sort of knew I would get a supp from ACO since I had a U for something which I would only conduct on 3 px since they're all old there, which meant >20% U, even though in actual clinic I met all the quotas, and didn't get U's in over 20%. Sucks how they put more weighting on ACO since all the external supervisors are all varied some are nicer or mark you more harshly. So another week of study it is. I just don't know how I'm going to re study the major oral exams next week plus the other one. 

So from supposedly one final oral exam, to one clinic thing turned into an oral exam, plus 95% certain supp from yday, means total of 3 final exams. It's too much. 5% chance hoping I won't see my number come up on Friday, but then by Friday morning, my hope would've decreased to 0.5%. I'm just thinking next year would be trimesters, which would also ruin January plans, since I would have to repeat internals during Jan. Pretty much repeating a second time would be 'I die internally 2.0.' Maybe I'll be thrown a lifeline like my friend who was lucky enough (unlike me and 10+ others in 4th yr sem 2 2016) to either be close to passing/ still fail the orals twice, but just did a further assignment to pass....Doubt it, knowing how unlucky I am. All the supps I've gotten in the past were weird practical exams that irl no one has access to (well probably only 1% of optometrist in Aus).

I guess back to study now. No point complaining about sub par performances. 

Saturday, November 3, 2018

Last Day of Uni Ever! (hopefully)

Finally finished my last day of uni! Hopefully I actually study hard and pass orals to actually graduate . It's actually bittersweet since it feels like this day wouldn't come. It still feels like another 6-6.30am wakeup, and another day of 6.30-7pm returning home, before seeing more patients (for free/gaining experience etc). It still feels like I have another assignment or report or reflection due, another log book to fill in, another entry to log into our excel sheets. Another morning of rushing for breakfasts, Mum's sandwiches and recently BW's wraps for lunch, then back home for home cooked dinners to save time and money (and health).

I still don't know what's the best way to attach the exam. I guess really just know everything, and keep saying it (and hope I don't lose my voice).

It's been nice going out and chilling with friends as a uni student, and really just enjoying weekends, since I will never have weekends anymore (until I retire lol). Probs won't see a lot of these people, ever, unless at CPD events or in passing. Each weekend I have something on, so won't actually be fully studying...guess sometimes it's good to take a break from study. I'm just worried since I haven't used my brain in so long...

So glad I wasn't at uni today to deal with drama and people who rock up to uni 1hr late. Although first time trekking so south down to Caringbah...They never imposed the 'be late 2 times after 8.30am and you'll get kicked out' rule. Consistently, 2 people in our group always rocked up minimum 30mins late. Today, someone rocked up 1.5hr late, and since I normally get there on time, I would have to pick up their phone calls and take their patients just because they didn't make an effort to wake up early. I mean, it's hard for everyone to wake up early. This week, I literally slammed the table when a person thought they could rock up after 9am each day, not to mention she also went home during the day and got back after her patient arrive. From subtle, to passive aggressive, to aggressive.

Praying to have the focus to study and pass this last exam.