Recently I've been thinking a lot of what ifs and if onlys.
If only I was born 2 years earlier so I wouldn't have to compete with people to get a job. Or if I was born 4/5 years earlier where employers gave good pay and were looking for people to work, not the other way around. Or not even better pay but just better work conditions. Or if I tripped up a year earlier then I would get that Masters name chucked into the same degree I'm doing now but in the older degree name. Or what if I didn't trip up at all, then can still work within Sydney even without being at the company before and work near home. Too bad other people have taken it up before I can who haven't worked in the company before, and they will be there when people are going on mat leave. They don't really care about 'loyalty.' Or if people go on mat leave after my first year out then it would open up positions. Or if all the HR people/rostering people/people who I sort of know didn't all resign middle of last yr and this yr, and everything goes into a mess behind the scenes. Like why all within the past year...What if there wasn't so much competition. What if I'm not competing against time. If only I didn't fail...What if I just did a 3 year degree and then already will be earning my third year of income this year compared to people I graduated high school with...and pretty much guaranteed a job somewhere in Sydney...What if I could just start the next chapter of my life without all these worries/conflicts/internal disappointments/stress/annoyed at other people...
favourite colours
thankful for surprises
more flowers from The Grounds
'Love you to the moon and back' cake
Purple cake to continue on my purple themed photos here. If I have time, may do another post on The Grounds. I've been there at least 4/5 times now, but the prices have definitely gone up.
Also, how is it already March tomorrow? Time does somehow fly as we get older.
I know the things on this earth is temporary, but it's still hard not to think about the future/jobs/finances etc etc. I don't like comparing myself to others, but yet I can't help it. I know I shouldn't worry about the future because God is in control. I can continue to trust but sometimes I just don't see how when I feel so conflicted about a multitude of things....
Something I learned about in therapy today is that we sometimes ruminate on 'what ifs' and 'if only' but it just detracts from the present and what we do have. I am sure God had reasons for putting you exactly where you are now. (and plus, I means that I got to have you as a friend!! <3)
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