My Turn 😔

I was originally gonna post this on fb/insta, maybe later. Here will do for now.

In the end, I was too weak to flip tables...

The past few days, I didn't realise I could feel so low (or cry so much). As much as I love food, haven't been able to eat more than a meal a day for the past week...

I'm still angry, pissed and annoyed that a 6 minute worksheet that was only 1/27th component of one subject determined my life. That worksheet didn't demonstrate my competency. The system is rigged and unjust. They can do whatever they choose. For once, my wam went up, but it's really the final grade that matters. In a way, should have not passed third year to get enrolled into an automatic Masters, but too late now. I guess I'm not the only one, since almost half of every cohort have tripped up at least once. To be so close and then so far, it really is heart wrenching.

Another example is people who didn't attend lectures, ultimately affected other people in the end. Although I wasn't affected by this, it's just not fair for everyone. Ultimately, the 8-10 of us will have to go through the death year. Third year was supposed to be the killer, but not anymore. Then again, they are changing the course, so it probs might be easier, just like how in first year after they changed lecturers for optics, everyone passed.

In my heart, I know that God has a greater plan for me, as hard as it is to get over all these emotions. It will get better with time. I'm thankful for those who I can talk to, and can really empathise with me (still praying for the 0.01% chance of hope).

'Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Saviour'