Goodbye for now 😭

😭😩😭
post-exam feels

There is a difference between not knowing, forgetting and mindblanking. Since it's a blog, I feel the need to rant.

Thera was not knowing (esp in q2 where I am sure I'm the only person out of 67 who put in some random crap and didn't even word drop glaucoma...), but I still wrote random stuff or just guessed some mc. LV practical was a nightmare, and regrets leaving boxes blank. Forgot some stuff in contact lenses, but I really do hope I put in main key words and like everyone else, hopefully passed it since no supps. Mainly didn't have time to think what stuff I forgotten since time was so pressing...CL prac was also a mind blank, couldn't do maths in my head, and examiner was giving me the 'are you stupid' look. 😔

In the lead up to BV, I was actually ok and wasn't overly worried compared to the other exams, and thought I knew most things. It's more understanding than memorising which I prefer. In the exam I mind blanked and effed up. Switched/flipped everything and second doubting myself. Mind blanking is in that exact moment while you're doing that question your brain screws up, but you knew how to do it the whole semester, the days before, the morning before, and after the exam, just not during the fricken exam time limit. Even after all the practice from the questions posted in the forum, prac questions and making up questions, I still disappointed myself. 💔 Whyyyy does my brain have to fail me in that particular hour. I knew how to do it, but just mixed everything around but in that hour I thought it was correct... Goodbye at least 20 marks, which is more than enough to fail me, and didn't even write enough (or the correct stuff) for the 2nd half of BV. Too bad there's no working out marks or half marks, get one word wrong=get the whole question wrong. Probably the only person to have run out of time in a 3 hour test, even though it was designed for 2.5 hours.

Actually in the lead up to this set of exams, I was less stressed compared to other exams. Well look what happened and I know I did worse once I came out of the exam. I think I need to stress to do better even though stressing isn't good for your health...

So close yet so far. I actually really can't wait for 5th yr, but now after this set of exams, pretty sure I'll have to wait an extra year. This year it feels like I'm on the chopping block, and it's my turn to fail. Too bad 5th yr is mostly practical, so it sucks going to fail theory stuff this year, and not being able to do build on your skills in clinic.

Normally I would be studying again after exams ended for supps (last time I ended up studying for the wrong thing since I got a supp for something I wasn't expecting). This time however, 90% sure I failed more than one exam, so won't even be offered a supp. 😭

Can't even take half a semester of since still have to attend sem 1 clinic. If I'm not on the supp list next week, it means I failed more than one strand, and hence failed the subject. Going to travel from Dec-Feb. Screw the busy Dec period and probs need to take a break from everyone to get rid of all the emotions to come...Pretty sure no one failed theory exams in 4th yr, and not many supps were offered compared to 3rd yr, but going to be the first one. Well, our yr is always the first ones to do something different, so there you go. It was nice knowing you all...Need to make new friends next year.

Time to catch up on blog posts, go therapy shopping and eat to my hearts content. 💔

(these emojis are super cool! Thanks Happy Apple, wouldn't have known they existed on blogger if you didn't post haha)