Bridal Shower 🌸

This post is 2 weeks delayed, but meeting PhD deadlines takes priority, still things to submit before next week, so taking a break to recap the day...

Thankful for friends spending your Saturday with me, especially on one of the hottest days of the year (also didn't help the cafe didn't have air con). Shoutout to my bridesmaids for planning and decorating. I had heaps of fun! Still mind blown with how the event went. Everyone looked so pretty in their flower crowns, and it was really cool to see how everyone's stylistic touch and aesthetics in their flower crown, and matching their outfits as well. Ahh so pretty!

This event has finally happened. Felt like forever, waiting since planning in Nov 2019, scheduled to March 2020 but of course had to be postponed, then rescheduled to Nov 2020 since optoms can't take leave during Dec and early Jan. Then 3 weeks before the original venue cancelled on us, but thankful that we managed to find another place which was able to cater for holding a flower crown workshop.

Here are some snaps of the day.

Flower crowns at Cadenza Floral Cafe

cute props

There wasn't much space, but thank goodness for wide angle cameras

 

some of the flowers for the flower crowns

The space we had was a bit squishy, but after some time we had the space all to ourselves so could move around a bit more. The host was really lovely and the flower crowns were surprisingly easy to make, although took longer than expected.

they wilted faster since it was so hot

 

high tea

The food was average finger food, not typical high tea food. I think we all liked the iced drinks more since it was so hot.

thanks team! 😊

more pics with cute props

Andy Bowdy's cake Matt: Vanilla Sponge, Matcha mousse, yuzu jam, toasted coconut cream, salted caramel, coconut chew, milk crumb

details and layers

Finally had a large version of this cake! Previously tried a mini baby version at a dessert festival years go. Loved the strong matcha flavour throughout, without being too bitter. Then you get bursts of acidity to cut through the sponge from the yuzu jam and salted caramel. The edible flavours had an odd bitter taste but balanced well with the beautifully torched meringue. Freeze dried raspberries were also a nice touch with some acidity. Some texture from the coconut chew base, and milk crumb sprinkled on top. So delicious, Thankful for friends who trekked to get this cake in 40deg heat. Made it there and back home in one piece. Especially this is a mousse cake so more sensitive to heat.

Dinner at Frattelli Fresh joined with some more friends who came after work

We ended up doing trivia/games here since the flower crown went longer than we expected. Unintentionally asked questions some people didn't know the answer to lol. Ended up giving hints haha, but other questions I think half the group knew and the other half didn't. Blair's not a big fan of trivia so we probably won't have it at the wedding. Dinner was still good fun. 

Gifts - thank you friends 💕

Maybe I'll be inspired to cook with all these new and fancy pots. Some friends came over to our place afterwards just to chill and chat, and ended up leaving at 1am. 

Flowers- first time ever having peonies! (photo taken 3 days later as I needed to get the big vase from parents' place)

Thankful for a bridal shower which was way better than I imagined. Finally getting excited again about the wedding (since it's been a year of disappointment that I feel sort of detached from 'wedding feels' to anything related to wedding planning). Even though restrictions have eased, we're still worried there will be an outbreak like the week before our wedding, so we will have to limit guest to the 4 square metre rule just in case they decide to suddenly decrease the numbers. So the stress isn't over because the future is always unknown. We haven't made any announcements cancelling the fb event since we've been both so busy with PhD and work...

Almost two months into PhD

In classic 2020 fashion, a venue we booked for my Bridal Shower 1yr ago, which we postponed in March, re-confirmed in Sept, and cancels 3 weeks before. Luckily my bridesmaids managed to secure another location with just over 2 weeks to go. Hopefully people RSVP...

I think I'm starting to get too stressed to even care about our wedding. At least point, all the bitter feelings are coming back, if only we got married in April, won't have to deal with doing PhD + work + wedding planning. I regret doing an extra day of work in Dec, will be working 7 days a week, 5 usual days of PhD then 2 work, plus still need to do the usual chores in between + re planning everything. It's also hard to plan because the church initially could fit 200, but now only 1/3 due to 1 person per 4 square metres...how do we un-invite 100 people? At least 20 or so relatives can't come, but that's still not enough. Ironically, we can invite more people for the reception, since they can take over 150 people...and Blair is literally working 10 jobs, so we haven't even had time to talk about it.

I'm just stressing out about mid Jan next year. It's the week before the wedding, so need to do wedding prep, our vision science reading restarts with our 'one on ones' with the centre director (whatever that is), I'm supposed to start calling people and recruiting people for my empirical part of the research.

Almost 2 mths in, I can already see the long term sacrifices. Apart from obviously no money (by no money, like I do have money, but only savings from the past year since my one day a week at work doesn't even cover half our rent cause my work pays peanuts...) , also missing out on dinners, road trips with friends, just relaxing/road trips to random places or hikes. There's really no time for that. 

Yes, I know I don't work 8 solid hrs on my PhD, but when I'm not working, I'm still thinking about it. A typical day is 12hrs at the desk, and only 3-4 productive hours. The other hours are just thinking of what to do....and the other few hours are just reading/just figuring out what papers from the 1960s even mean. even just understanding basic stats, I'm just like huh. Getting 'told off' even as a group at a post-grad level really doesn't have good vibes or reputation for yourself...

This is harder and more stressful than I thought, and it's only the beginning. It's a different stress compared to undergrad where there's so much content to memorise. Now, it's more understanding the history and development on a conceptual level (for obvious reasons since it's a doctor of philosophy). Hopefully, I can look back at this in 3-4 years time to say it was worth it. 

One month into Post-Grad

Finally getting the 'wfh' experience since starting my PhD 4 weeks ago. It's nice to sleep in everyday, have a slow breakfast and make a cup of tea, but I do miss being outside. Thankful that I have a good street and water view outside our windows, but I do miss the fresh air. Me being me, I don't really step outside ever, since I'm lazy. Slowly getting into a routine, simultaneously stressed about not enough time to do things whilst also procrastinating on social media...I really do hope I can get a paper out within the year, which means sacrificing time off including a honeymoon, but oh wells, I just need to keep reminding myself of the sacrifices this PhD will come with (not to mention now earning peanuts at work, less than when I was an undergrad...) I can't be bothered uploading photos here, most would have been on my insta stories (for those that follow me). I still can't believe I did my whole undergrad degree on a 13 inch then 12 inch MacBook. Now I have a beautiful iMac 21.5 inch plus my iPad and slowly understanding why all my patients have 2-3 screens when working...

Lots have happened even in the past 4 weeks. Mum's birthday was super simple, with pretty pink cakes. Blair's birthday was just Uber Eats and slices of cheesecake from the local shops (can't afford to buy a whole cake now, plus we won't finish a whole cake anyway). It was Blair's 'crisis week' so couldn't really celebrate. Thankful that he isn't really big on celebrations.

Labour day went for a hike with the G8s, so glad to see everyone. Went to West Head Lookout, and a hike around there, ironically opposite Barrenjoey Lighthouse where I fainted walking up the stairs, and fainted again trekking up a hill...Why am I so weak...stairs + heat + me do not go well together. Previously back in high school when I exerted myself super hard during swimming training, I would black out (happened like once), now it's happened twice this year. So unfit...but the hot weather didn't really help. I did stop myself this time before my senses were really blacked out at Barrenjoey though. So thankful for G8s carrying me through the hike. Legs were so sore for a few days after. Again I should get out of the house more, but then I ceebs. Now I don't really have days off, since PhD means you're always working.

Celebrated 3 years recently with Blair, went back to Claire's Kitchen for French food. Fancy food but not fine dining (I don't think I can afford that lol), and also had a $50 Dimmi/The Fork voucher to use (Last time I used it was the same place almost 3 years ago lol).

The Van Gough Alive exhibition was nice, but not worth the price. I would much rather pay the same amount to see it irl (which I have been lucky enough to in Amsterdam and some other paintings in NYC). It's still nice to go since we can't really travel anyways, so good night out. 

You'd think writing a blog for all these years would making academic writing easier, but it's so hard to be motivated to read and write high level thinking stuff. 

Sort of not looking forward trekking back to uni next week, but I guess it would make it seem more real. Haven't seen my supervisors irl, since the interviews and all the meetings have been over Zoom/Teams...Really need to find that motivation to put more hours into my PhD rather than lounging around the house all day...

PhD Student Life Begins

I still can't believe I got accepted to do a PhD, and also can't believe that I'm starting one. From quitting my stable full time job, to deciding to forfeit all potential money that I can save, working max once a week (which does not even cover half the rent), to studying full time. It will be a long road ahead, but I hope I can reflect back and think all of this was worth the "short term" 3-4year sacrifice. It will be exciting if/when I do publish something, and do something to invest in myself, rather than working hard for the company which doesn't even reward you even if you go above and beyond at work.

Interesting to settle into the "WFH" situation, although they said we'll be on campus hopefully 3 days a week. The trek begins again to uni, but thanks to Blair who normally drives there, don't have to deal with 2 hourly one way bus trip from the Hills area.

It will be interesting to see where this path takes me, as majority of optom's who graduate do work in the retail area for the rest of their life, or have a side job/hobby they invest in. I still don't want to waste all my undergrad efforts, and still want to see patients on the side.

Here's to being mentally prepared to get grilled in every meeting/reading/future drafts/submissions for the next 3-4 years. 

Quarter Life Crisis

Quarter life crisis is a real thing, well for me anyway. If you asked me would I be doing a PhD at the beginning of the year, I would say "No way". But if you asked me would I expect my wedding to be cancelled/post-poned or we would go through a pandemic the worst in our life time so far, I would also say no.

In short, a few months ago an opportunity came up to do further studies, so decided to try and apply for it, and surprisingly I got in. Actually, they gave me a tailored project in response to my interview questions which they didn't even advertise for the initial project for. It's a different side of optometry, and going more into social sciences, which is completely different to what I've ever known and studied in high school and uni.

I think the process to even apply for it was the "crisis" part. So many self questions. To be honest, there were so many pros and cons to weigh up. Mostly the financial side of things for doing it. Didn't get a scholarship so will be living off savings, and thankful for the support from Blair and parents. The biggest expense is rent, and I guess luckily I don't have a mortgage or any kids, so doing a PhD with no incoming money is still doable, and I can drop down from full time work. It is kind of crazy dropping from a stable full time job, and not being able to save, but it's more of a now or never opportunity. I wouldn't have the brain cells to do this in 10, 20 or 30 years later. So investment into my brain for the future. I don't hate my job, but I feel like I'm not learning enough, and it has gone to the point where it is quite repetitive, 1.5 years later, Will still be working once a week, so gonna be working 6 days a week, just like undergrad days studying 5 days a week and 1 day working. 

So defs no holidays anytime soon and won't have money for honeymoon next year (if our wedding still goes ahead), even though we got majority of our refunds back, since now the money is for living costs...Anyways, doubt we can travel anytime soon. Also won't be able to have any fancy foods for a while, but I think I may be over the whole fancy food thing, still save it for birthdays only, but my list to eat is pretty much non existent now compared to uni days.

It's so weird how I'll be going back to uni in a months time. Always thought I'll never be back at uni, but I can also see the perks of academic life as well. I'm not super keen to go into academia after I finish, would still like to practice, so we'll see.

Mother's Day 2020

First time going to someone else's house apart from our home. Technically our parents' houses our still our homes. Almost all my belongings except essentials are still at home (and no way will I have time to go through and chuck uni/high/primary school stuff, let along junk accumulated in 20 years). For Blair who has moved out before, he has moved most things since there's less to move. I can't be bothered going there on my day off to clean my old stuff, so most of the things are important enough to get I guess. I prefer cleaning our apartment lol.

It's good to talk to my parents irl, since with language barriers, it's too hard to communicate on social media. Tbh, I rather not talk to them on phone and just make the effort to go there. 

I've always thought (more when I was young) that flowers are a 'rich peoples' thing. I guess now as a FT worker, it's more the thought and gesture behind it. I've been thinking how to have some home decor stuff in the apartment without creating more junk. Flowers are hard, fresh flowers smell lovely and gives a nice subtle scent to the place, but cutting it and changing water every 2 days is too much hassle for me. Also, not to talk about the cost of always getting fresh flowers regularly when I'm not even home most of the time. Artificial flowers look nice, but imagine all the dust it'll accumulate, and the extra fiddly dusting you have to do makes me celebs, and I prefer real flowers. Dried flowers could work, and I've seen quite of lot on Instagram lately, but again, they serve no purpose apart for looking nice, and collect dust. At least green plants give oxygen, but pot plants aren't easy in an apartment since there's more soil involved and everything is indoors. So in the end, cbh for home decor. Looks nice when other people do stuff, but I'm not as passionate.

Flowers for occasions are nice though. Won some flowers from Poho and a vase through Insta. I love the way Poho do their flowers with the blue wrapping, and their smell of their roses is my favourite. I'm not a big fan of rose perfumes and hand creams, but these roses smell better than roses from elsewhere. First time I got them was a year ago for my grad, now a year later and I have a small arrangement. The vase here cost $220, still can't believe how it can cost so much even if it's handmade...One of the taller flower snapped and was hanging on by a string, so I sticky tapped it, and it's still alive after a week. 

For Blair's Mum, flowers ordered from The Ministry of Flowers. She was the kid ministry worker in my old church like 10 years ago, now turned into a florist. The whole bunch was so tall when you held it.

Mum's flowers ordered from The Ground by Silva. The wrapping and foliage covered the flowers inside the bouquet, so front on it looks like a small bunch and not many flowers. 

Top view and there were about 3 roses and some other flowers hidden away. I'm not good with flower names...

Delivery for this bunch was not cheap at $55 (which could buy half a large bouquet and a small one), but when I ordered online they had a sale, and also free gift with organic body scrub, so I thought why not. Tbh, I've never actually got flowers for Mother's Day, since it's not really a thing in our house holds, despite what the marketing world says, but because I'm not able to spend more time with her now, decided to get something a bit extra. It was quite a large bunch and also has some dried flower bits which I might ask if I can get if Mum doesn't use it, and see if I can do a dried flower bouquet without purchasing one...

A cute posy from Nara and Joel after their wedding in March. Can't believe it's been almost 2 months ago...thankful for their friendship

The extra time not working full time has mainly been cleaning and iso-baking. Ordered a puzzle which doesn't come until September, but decided to keep the order and do it for when we have friends over. Don't have any gaming consoles, since PS4 still at parents home, and sort of lent to my brother. All Switches sold out in April, and expected to come in June, but I don't have time to game anyway. I need a break from k dramas since I've watched 4 in less than 4 weeks during March-April. Still watching other shows, but when May hit, definitely have been watching less things. So much online shopping has happened, didn't realise we needed so many things, even though I could get it at the shops in person, the lines were always too long.

Clothing shops have been starting to open up last week, and more this week. At work, were back to 30min appointments, and don't have the extra 10mins for a deep clean. Probs no more free parking soon.

Our Qantas tickets were finally refunded after 2 months. Still waiting on some hotels though. Most European budget airlines have given us a flight voucher, but I doubt we can even travel to the same places we wanted to within 12 month period. 

Although I miss eating out and hanging with friends in person, I've quite like this isolation period of just staying at home. If only our couch would come soon...Hope people continue to be responsible so lockdown can be lifted soon.

Wedding Date...but not quite

Today was supposed to be our wedding date, but of course with Covid-19, it was pretty much postponed a month ago to next year. Have to wait another year, which just drags and halts or planning processes. I guess luckily I moved all my essentials to the new place, so technically things would have been what they'll be like after we were married, just missing the official signing of the documents...Like I've said in my previous post, at least we're healthy and safe, and at least weddings can be moved unlike things like uni placements overseas etc

To commemorate this 'supposed wedding date', still ordered some cake (yay for Koi delivery). Both were really nice and not too sweet. Also had UberEats with local Korean food, bit more expensive, but trying to make it the most of the situation.

White peach and french earl grey

White Noise (as seen on MasterChef but cake version)

Also, thanks Shirley for these surprised housewarming succulents, they're so cute!

Hope I don't kill them (thank goodness for Blair's knowledge of taking care of plants)

Another highlight catching up with g8s, and playing Codenames online.

We both absolutely hate summer, but postponed for another 9 months...so another waiting game. Might sound ranty, but glad to still have some work, still healthy and Blair to keep me company during self-isolation.