Bridal Shower 🌸

This post is 2 weeks delayed, but meeting PhD deadlines takes priority, still things to submit before next week, so taking a break to recap the day...

Thankful for friends spending your Saturday with me, especially on one of the hottest days of the year (also didn't help the cafe didn't have air con). Shoutout to my bridesmaids for planning and decorating. I had heaps of fun! Still mind blown with how the event went. Everyone looked so pretty in their flower crowns, and it was really cool to see how everyone's stylistic touch and aesthetics in their flower crown, and matching their outfits as well. Ahh so pretty!

This event has finally happened. Felt like forever, waiting since planning in Nov 2019, scheduled to March 2020 but of course had to be postponed, then rescheduled to Nov 2020 since optoms can't take leave during Dec and early Jan. Then 3 weeks before the original venue cancelled on us, but thankful that we managed to find another place which was able to cater for holding a flower crown workshop.

Here are some snaps of the day.

Flower crowns at Cadenza Floral Cafe

cute props

There wasn't much space, but thank goodness for wide angle cameras

 

some of the flowers for the flower crowns

The space we had was a bit squishy, but after some time we had the space all to ourselves so could move around a bit more. The host was really lovely and the flower crowns were surprisingly easy to make, although took longer than expected.

they wilted faster since it was so hot

 

high tea

The food was average finger food, not typical high tea food. I think we all liked the iced drinks more since it was so hot.

thanks team! 😊

more pics with cute props

Andy Bowdy's cake Matt: Vanilla Sponge, Matcha mousse, yuzu jam, toasted coconut cream, salted caramel, coconut chew, milk crumb

details and layers

Finally had a large version of this cake! Previously tried a mini baby version at a dessert festival years go. Loved the strong matcha flavour throughout, without being too bitter. Then you get bursts of acidity to cut through the sponge from the yuzu jam and salted caramel. The edible flavours had an odd bitter taste but balanced well with the beautifully torched meringue. Freeze dried raspberries were also a nice touch with some acidity. Some texture from the coconut chew base, and milk crumb sprinkled on top. So delicious, Thankful for friends who trekked to get this cake in 40deg heat. Made it there and back home in one piece. Especially this is a mousse cake so more sensitive to heat.

Dinner at Frattelli Fresh joined with some more friends who came after work

We ended up doing trivia/games here since the flower crown went longer than we expected. Unintentionally asked questions some people didn't know the answer to lol. Ended up giving hints haha, but other questions I think half the group knew and the other half didn't. Blair's not a big fan of trivia so we probably won't have it at the wedding. Dinner was still good fun. 

Gifts - thank you friends 💕

Maybe I'll be inspired to cook with all these new and fancy pots. Some friends came over to our place afterwards just to chill and chat, and ended up leaving at 1am. 

Flowers- first time ever having peonies! (photo taken 3 days later as I needed to get the big vase from parents' place)

Thankful for a bridal shower which was way better than I imagined. Finally getting excited again about the wedding (since it's been a year of disappointment that I feel sort of detached from 'wedding feels' to anything related to wedding planning). Even though restrictions have eased, we're still worried there will be an outbreak like the week before our wedding, so we will have to limit guest to the 4 square metre rule just in case they decide to suddenly decrease the numbers. So the stress isn't over because the future is always unknown. We haven't made any announcements cancelling the fb event since we've been both so busy with PhD and work...

Almost two months into PhD

In classic 2020 fashion, a venue we booked for my Bridal Shower 1yr ago, which we postponed in March, re-confirmed in Sept, and cancels 3 weeks before. Luckily my bridesmaids managed to secure another location with just over 2 weeks to go. Hopefully people RSVP...

I think I'm starting to get too stressed to even care about our wedding. At least point, all the bitter feelings are coming back, if only we got married in April, won't have to deal with doing PhD + work + wedding planning. I regret doing an extra day of work in Dec, will be working 7 days a week, 5 usual days of PhD then 2 work, plus still need to do the usual chores in between + re planning everything. It's also hard to plan because the church initially could fit 200, but now only 1/3 due to 1 person per 4 square metres...how do we un-invite 100 people? At least 20 or so relatives can't come, but that's still not enough. Ironically, we can invite more people for the reception, since they can take over 150 people...and Blair is literally working 10 jobs, so we haven't even had time to talk about it.

I'm just stressing out about mid Jan next year. It's the week before the wedding, so need to do wedding prep, our vision science reading restarts with our 'one on ones' with the centre director (whatever that is), I'm supposed to start calling people and recruiting people for my empirical part of the research.

Almost 2 mths in, I can already see the long term sacrifices. Apart from obviously no money (by no money, like I do have money, but only savings from the past year since my one day a week at work doesn't even cover half our rent cause my work pays peanuts...) , also missing out on dinners, road trips with friends, just relaxing/road trips to random places or hikes. There's really no time for that. 

Yes, I know I don't work 8 solid hrs on my PhD, but when I'm not working, I'm still thinking about it. A typical day is 12hrs at the desk, and only 3-4 productive hours. The other hours are just thinking of what to do....and the other few hours are just reading/just figuring out what papers from the 1960s even mean. even just understanding basic stats, I'm just like huh. Getting 'told off' even as a group at a post-grad level really doesn't have good vibes or reputation for yourself...

This is harder and more stressful than I thought, and it's only the beginning. It's a different stress compared to undergrad where there's so much content to memorise. Now, it's more understanding the history and development on a conceptual level (for obvious reasons since it's a doctor of philosophy). Hopefully, I can look back at this in 3-4 years time to say it was worth it. 

One month into Post-Grad

Finally getting the 'wfh' experience since starting my PhD 4 weeks ago. It's nice to sleep in everyday, have a slow breakfast and make a cup of tea, but I do miss being outside. Thankful that I have a good street and water view outside our windows, but I do miss the fresh air. Me being me, I don't really step outside ever, since I'm lazy. Slowly getting into a routine, simultaneously stressed about not enough time to do things whilst also procrastinating on social media...I really do hope I can get a paper out within the year, which means sacrificing time off including a honeymoon, but oh wells, I just need to keep reminding myself of the sacrifices this PhD will come with (not to mention now earning peanuts at work, less than when I was an undergrad...) I can't be bothered uploading photos here, most would have been on my insta stories (for those that follow me). I still can't believe I did my whole undergrad degree on a 13 inch then 12 inch MacBook. Now I have a beautiful iMac 21.5 inch plus my iPad and slowly understanding why all my patients have 2-3 screens when working...

Lots have happened even in the past 4 weeks. Mum's birthday was super simple, with pretty pink cakes. Blair's birthday was just Uber Eats and slices of cheesecake from the local shops (can't afford to buy a whole cake now, plus we won't finish a whole cake anyway). It was Blair's 'crisis week' so couldn't really celebrate. Thankful that he isn't really big on celebrations.

Labour day went for a hike with the G8s, so glad to see everyone. Went to West Head Lookout, and a hike around there, ironically opposite Barrenjoey Lighthouse where I fainted walking up the stairs, and fainted again trekking up a hill...Why am I so weak...stairs + heat + me do not go well together. Previously back in high school when I exerted myself super hard during swimming training, I would black out (happened like once), now it's happened twice this year. So unfit...but the hot weather didn't really help. I did stop myself this time before my senses were really blacked out at Barrenjoey though. So thankful for G8s carrying me through the hike. Legs were so sore for a few days after. Again I should get out of the house more, but then I ceebs. Now I don't really have days off, since PhD means you're always working.

Celebrated 3 years recently with Blair, went back to Claire's Kitchen for French food. Fancy food but not fine dining (I don't think I can afford that lol), and also had a $50 Dimmi/The Fork voucher to use (Last time I used it was the same place almost 3 years ago lol).

The Van Gough Alive exhibition was nice, but not worth the price. I would much rather pay the same amount to see it irl (which I have been lucky enough to in Amsterdam and some other paintings in NYC). It's still nice to go since we can't really travel anyways, so good night out. 

You'd think writing a blog for all these years would making academic writing easier, but it's so hard to be motivated to read and write high level thinking stuff. 

Sort of not looking forward trekking back to uni next week, but I guess it would make it seem more real. Haven't seen my supervisors irl, since the interviews and all the meetings have been over Zoom/Teams...Really need to find that motivation to put more hours into my PhD rather than lounging around the house all day...

PhD Student Life Begins

I still can't believe I got accepted to do a PhD, and also can't believe that I'm starting one. From quitting my stable full time job, to deciding to forfeit all potential money that I can save, working max once a week (which does not even cover half the rent), to studying full time. It will be a long road ahead, but I hope I can reflect back and think all of this was worth the "short term" 3-4year sacrifice. It will be exciting if/when I do publish something, and do something to invest in myself, rather than working hard for the company which doesn't even reward you even if you go above and beyond at work.

Interesting to settle into the "WFH" situation, although they said we'll be on campus hopefully 3 days a week. The trek begins again to uni, but thanks to Blair who normally drives there, don't have to deal with 2 hourly one way bus trip from the Hills area.

It will be interesting to see where this path takes me, as majority of optom's who graduate do work in the retail area for the rest of their life, or have a side job/hobby they invest in. I still don't want to waste all my undergrad efforts, and still want to see patients on the side.

Here's to being mentally prepared to get grilled in every meeting/reading/future drafts/submissions for the next 3-4 years. 

Quarter Life Crisis

Quarter life crisis is a real thing, well for me anyway. If you asked me would I be doing a PhD at the beginning of the year, I would say "No way". But if you asked me would I expect my wedding to be cancelled/post-poned or we would go through a pandemic the worst in our life time so far, I would also say no.

In short, a few months ago an opportunity came up to do further studies, so decided to try and apply for it, and surprisingly I got in. Actually, they gave me a tailored project in response to my interview questions which they didn't even advertise for the initial project for. It's a different side of optometry, and going more into social sciences, which is completely different to what I've ever known and studied in high school and uni.

I think the process to even apply for it was the "crisis" part. So many self questions. To be honest, there were so many pros and cons to weigh up. Mostly the financial side of things for doing it. Didn't get a scholarship so will be living off savings, and thankful for the support from Blair and parents. The biggest expense is rent, and I guess luckily I don't have a mortgage or any kids, so doing a PhD with no incoming money is still doable, and I can drop down from full time work. It is kind of crazy dropping from a stable full time job, and not being able to save, but it's more of a now or never opportunity. I wouldn't have the brain cells to do this in 10, 20 or 30 years later. So investment into my brain for the future. I don't hate my job, but I feel like I'm not learning enough, and it has gone to the point where it is quite repetitive, 1.5 years later, Will still be working once a week, so gonna be working 6 days a week, just like undergrad days studying 5 days a week and 1 day working. 

So defs no holidays anytime soon and won't have money for honeymoon next year (if our wedding still goes ahead), even though we got majority of our refunds back, since now the money is for living costs...Anyways, doubt we can travel anytime soon. Also won't be able to have any fancy foods for a while, but I think I may be over the whole fancy food thing, still save it for birthdays only, but my list to eat is pretty much non existent now compared to uni days.

It's so weird how I'll be going back to uni in a months time. Always thought I'll never be back at uni, but I can also see the perks of academic life as well. I'm not super keen to go into academia after I finish, would still like to practice, so we'll see.

Mother's Day 2020

First time going to someone else's house apart from our home. Technically our parents' houses our still our homes. Almost all my belongings except essentials are still at home (and no way will I have time to go through and chuck uni/high/primary school stuff, let along junk accumulated in 20 years). For Blair who has moved out before, he has moved most things since there's less to move. I can't be bothered going there on my day off to clean my old stuff, so most of the things are important enough to get I guess. I prefer cleaning our apartment lol.

It's good to talk to my parents irl, since with language barriers, it's too hard to communicate on social media. Tbh, I rather not talk to them on phone and just make the effort to go there. 

I've always thought (more when I was young) that flowers are a 'rich peoples' thing. I guess now as a FT worker, it's more the thought and gesture behind it. I've been thinking how to have some home decor stuff in the apartment without creating more junk. Flowers are hard, fresh flowers smell lovely and gives a nice subtle scent to the place, but cutting it and changing water every 2 days is too much hassle for me. Also, not to talk about the cost of always getting fresh flowers regularly when I'm not even home most of the time. Artificial flowers look nice, but imagine all the dust it'll accumulate, and the extra fiddly dusting you have to do makes me celebs, and I prefer real flowers. Dried flowers could work, and I've seen quite of lot on Instagram lately, but again, they serve no purpose apart for looking nice, and collect dust. At least green plants give oxygen, but pot plants aren't easy in an apartment since there's more soil involved and everything is indoors. So in the end, cbh for home decor. Looks nice when other people do stuff, but I'm not as passionate.

Flowers for occasions are nice though. Won some flowers from Poho and a vase through Insta. I love the way Poho do their flowers with the blue wrapping, and their smell of their roses is my favourite. I'm not a big fan of rose perfumes and hand creams, but these roses smell better than roses from elsewhere. First time I got them was a year ago for my grad, now a year later and I have a small arrangement. The vase here cost $220, still can't believe how it can cost so much even if it's handmade...One of the taller flower snapped and was hanging on by a string, so I sticky tapped it, and it's still alive after a week. 

For Blair's Mum, flowers ordered from The Ministry of Flowers. She was the kid ministry worker in my old church like 10 years ago, now turned into a florist. The whole bunch was so tall when you held it.

Mum's flowers ordered from The Ground by Silva. The wrapping and foliage covered the flowers inside the bouquet, so front on it looks like a small bunch and not many flowers. 

Top view and there were about 3 roses and some other flowers hidden away. I'm not good with flower names...

Delivery for this bunch was not cheap at $55 (which could buy half a large bouquet and a small one), but when I ordered online they had a sale, and also free gift with organic body scrub, so I thought why not. Tbh, I've never actually got flowers for Mother's Day, since it's not really a thing in our house holds, despite what the marketing world says, but because I'm not able to spend more time with her now, decided to get something a bit extra. It was quite a large bunch and also has some dried flower bits which I might ask if I can get if Mum doesn't use it, and see if I can do a dried flower bouquet without purchasing one...

A cute posy from Nara and Joel after their wedding in March. Can't believe it's been almost 2 months ago...thankful for their friendship

The extra time not working full time has mainly been cleaning and iso-baking. Ordered a puzzle which doesn't come until September, but decided to keep the order and do it for when we have friends over. Don't have any gaming consoles, since PS4 still at parents home, and sort of lent to my brother. All Switches sold out in April, and expected to come in June, but I don't have time to game anyway. I need a break from k dramas since I've watched 4 in less than 4 weeks during March-April. Still watching other shows, but when May hit, definitely have been watching less things. So much online shopping has happened, didn't realise we needed so many things, even though I could get it at the shops in person, the lines were always too long.

Clothing shops have been starting to open up last week, and more this week. At work, were back to 30min appointments, and don't have the extra 10mins for a deep clean. Probs no more free parking soon.

Our Qantas tickets were finally refunded after 2 months. Still waiting on some hotels though. Most European budget airlines have given us a flight voucher, but I doubt we can even travel to the same places we wanted to within 12 month period. 

Although I miss eating out and hanging with friends in person, I've quite like this isolation period of just staying at home. If only our couch would come soon...Hope people continue to be responsible so lockdown can be lifted soon.

Wedding Date...but not quite

Today was supposed to be our wedding date, but of course with Covid-19, it was pretty much postponed a month ago to next year. Have to wait another year, which just drags and halts or planning processes. I guess luckily I moved all my essentials to the new place, so technically things would have been what they'll be like after we were married, just missing the official signing of the documents...Like I've said in my previous post, at least we're healthy and safe, and at least weddings can be moved unlike things like uni placements overseas etc

To commemorate this 'supposed wedding date', still ordered some cake (yay for Koi delivery). Both were really nice and not too sweet. Also had UberEats with local Korean food, bit more expensive, but trying to make it the most of the situation.

White peach and french earl grey

White Noise (as seen on MasterChef but cake version)

Also, thanks Shirley for these surprised housewarming succulents, they're so cute!

Hope I don't kill them (thank goodness for Blair's knowledge of taking care of plants)

Another highlight catching up with g8s, and playing Codenames online.

We both absolutely hate summer, but postponed for another 9 months...so another waiting game. Might sound ranty, but glad to still have some work, still healthy and Blair to keep me company during self-isolation.

Trying to be Grateful in Non Ideal Circumstances

What a roller coaster of a week last week was. This COVID-19 is probably the closest thing we can experience to a World War, in my opinion. So this post although have some #fwp, trying to be grateful in these circumstances.

My company is literally the last one standing (excluding some independent optoms). All our competition already shut their doors a week before us, for at least one month. The shops are now ghost towns (except for groceries and Kmart/Target/DJs, and a few odd shops), which is good since people are implementing social distancing, but we all thought that we would close soon. Mentally prepared but it was still a shock when they announced staff would be stood down from today, and even if your store is opened, someone may work instead of you at your base store. My store was picked to be open, and they announced I was able to stay, but my hours would be reduced by almost half. My other friends who have a month off, are either applying to Centrelink or waiting for their employers to get the JobKeeper payments, but I think that doesn't get paid until May. Hopefully my income can be subsidised by the JobKeeper initiative, because working with my reduced hours is similar pay to the government payments. I think I'm more worried about my income since starting to pay rent/my own expenses, whereas when I still lived at home, everything was paid by my parents. I'm grateful that I don't have a mortgage, because even if you pause your loan, you'll still have heaps of money to pay back later, and heading to a recession, any loans/debts are the worse things to have. Also glad I don't have any children, imagine home schooling and needing to buy things whilst losing a job. They cut all the part timers, so as a full time with hours cut, essentially I'm working part time over 4 days with reduced hours. I'm grateful that my company is large enough to still operate (without any profits) during this time, providing eye care to other essential workers. Just seeing people for eye tests pays for my own income, but wouldn't cover the other overhead costs which are required to run a business. I'm glad that I don't have my own business, and I would never consider one, way to stressful. I'm still tossing up between is it better to not work for a month, or work reduced hours and risk getting infected...Obviously I couldn't choose since the company decides, but it's good to have work to keep me sane and out of the house...I should learn to cook or exercise or help Blair with transcribing at home during this quarantine period...have a list of things to make, but knowing how lazy I am, dunno if I'll ever get around to it...Maybe on my extra day off...

I'm also glad that my partner is not an optom. I never wanted to date an optom, more because I don't want to talk about more work after work (can talk about work/share experiences) with uni friends. Now in hindsight, it worked out okay. If my partner also worked for the same optom company, and your company stands down everyone, well there would be zero income for at least a month (until the government initiatives kick in). Even more stressful if you have kids and both people lose their jobs. If different optom company, maybe one person may still have a job, but unlikely in this current situation. I'm glad that Blair works in completely different industry. It's good to still have work instead of bumming at home for a month without work. I haven't spent that much time at home since I still go outside to work (obviously can't wfh), and since the apartment is so modern, feels like a hotel/airbnb. Can't go back to parents home to get personalisation stuff in case I'm an unknown carrier and infect them...Grateful that I have somewhere to live to quarantine myself away from parents, and the views are a nice change from looking at a forest for the past 20 years. Moving out wasn't as hard as I expected, it's just been more tiring doing more house chores (tbh, didn't do much whilst studying/living at parents home), but it's quite satisfying seeing stuff clean. So haven't had heaps of spare time yet to just watch Netflix or read a book. Unrelated, groceries are so expensive these days, they say they're not price gouging, but I guess there are just less things on 'special'. It's still really hard to social distance whilst shopping, luckily the suburb I'm in, the Coles is newer and the aisles are a little bit wider than older supermarkets.

One thing which is still affecting me is postponing the wedding. It's just sooo hard not to be jealous of others (especially when social media is filled with it), of everyone pre-coronavirus, who were married on their set date, sharing their photos etc. Yes, I'm probably guilty of over sharing too, but it's just disappointing that nothing is in order. Unable to have a honeymoon after getting married or ' bridal shower' before the wedding, now we're not even sure when we'll get officially married etc. I think we decided not to do a 5 person wedding ceremony, since it doesn't feel respectful to our parents if we just link them a live stream on Zoom. Although I feel like since they announced the restrictions, I've seen some people with more than 5 people in Sydney getting married...Again, I know this is just #fwp, but in my head, I'm like, 'if only I set the date earlier...if only we got married last year...' I guess we made the best choices at that time, since mid April was supposed to be less busy for Blair and good weather in Europe (again, he's now working at 200% capacity since it takes way longer to conduct lectures and tutorials online compared to in person). I know I shouldn't want the 'ideal honeymoon' and it's inappropriate especially when so many people are dying overseas, but it's hard not to. I thought I was ok with postponing it when the government announced restrictions, but now I'm like argh, it's affecting me again. Listening to worship music helps, and a lot of the big US churches do really good live music/videos since everyone is in quarantine. I'm also grateful that our super small church is able to produce weekly Sunday live streams (check it out here, Blair made the website, and has been tweaking it for the past 3 years). I guess although I don't officially have a husband, I am grateful that I have someone to spend not only this self iso period, but also the rest of my life time with. I think this is also God really testing me, to trust in his perfect timing and plans for me, although it feels to me everything is just out of order. I guess I do have a lifetime (God willing) to travel and experience His creation with Blair.

I'm grateful for good healthcare here in Aus. In America, people have private health insurance only if they have work, so I guess all those people who lost their jobs now don't have access to health care, since their work won't pay for it. Since the health care system is so messed up, I think that's one of the reasons why the death rate is so high for a developed country, as people don't have access to essential health services (as easily compared to Aus).

Although it wasn't 'ideal' for the Coronavirus to hit us 2020 and affect our wedding, this year was probably better(?) compared to others. I've said this before, wedding day is just one day, and it's the days/years after which are more important, and I know I shouldn't be so continually hung up and be so down about a postponed wedding. In short, it's just a fancy celebration, which can still happen, just delayed. If Coronavirus happened in 2019, I would be even more sad because it'll mean no graduation ceremony. Some people just had a certificate, and their ceremony was straight up cancelled. Obviously you can't request to have a grad ceremony, the uni decides. Since I'm the first person in my immediate family, it was really a milestone after 6 years at uni, and grateful that both my grandmas could fly over and see my graduate. If it happened in 2018, I would not be able to go to NYC/Melbourne/Hobart for placement (all the 5th yr optom placements overseas have obviously been cancelled). Overseas placement was definitely a highlight of uni, not just the fun, but experience optometry in a different country. In hindsight, despite being sad about the above, I'll rather postpone a wedding than a cancelled optom overseas placement. Spent so much money on travel overseas in 2018, back then no regrets, and now definitely no regrets having those experiences. Even if you have money, you're just not allowed to travel now, probably until 2021 imo. Also, if it hit in 2017, when I didn't pass a subject, even if they don't make Fail on transcripts for most unis/courses this semester, for optom, you'll still have to repeat it the following year, so doesn't make a difference. Also did a lot of travel in 2017/2018, so I would be disappointed if I couldn't go to those trips.

That being said, I'm glad I wasn't overseas before/during this crisis. Imagine being stuck inside a small hotel room for 14 days with microwavable meals (some rooms don't have microwaves), and just being trapped inside. Even though I generally prefer staying at home than going out, I would be crazy. Not to mention the stress to get the next available flight back to Aus, and the extra amount spent on a rare ticket back due to limited flights coming back home and price of the ticket would increase. Or if you're in a small country, where there are absolutely no planes left. Or the country you're in is completely lock down, and you can't even get to the airport, or no planes leaving that country, and then you spend the next 3 months there, and if you're visa expires, or your passport maximum stay (without visa) goes over the limit, you're screwed, and I doubt the Australian consulate there can help you much when the advise to travel was already on a level 2 or 3 (before a level 4 ban)...

I guess having my travels cancelled for a second time again since I've been working (HK protests in 2019 cancelled our HK/Japan trip), and losing money again for a second time (more this time since mostly booked hotels for 3 weeks and Europe is generally really expensive), I can always go again in the future. Maybe not in 2021 since Blair would need to look for work, but maybe 2022/2023. It'll feel like forever, but we're already in April...The first 3 months this year have flown by, but the next 3 months will be a drag since we're all social distancing. I can't wait for our sofa to come in June (again, ages away), and invite friends over once everything settles...

Tl;dr, grateful that I still have some work, place to live, good health and Blair to be by my side. Officially not my husband on paper, but in my head he's been my husband since the day we were engaged.

Wedding Postponed + COVID-19 Thoughts

Wow, what a week, month, year. From bushfire, to floods, to coronavirus.

I have A LOT to say and so many thoughts bottled up, but haven't had the time to write them down until now. Whilst there may be a lot of negativity, I have to remind myself that I am still grateful to have good health and shelter over my head. So here we go...

First of all, wedding is postponed. A week ago (18th March) was supposed to be 'one month to go,' and on that night they banned gatherings of over 100 people. Blair did mentally prepare me that this might happen, since beginning of March, Ireland, Estonia, NYC amongst other countries/cities already banned gatherings over 100 people. Even just last week, for overseas people it was a 14 day quarantine, and this week it has changed to complete travel ban and weddings only can have 5 people. Everything is changing every hour of every day. Blair also did mentally prepare me beginning of February that our honeymoon may be cancelled, as even in Feb cases were popping up in Europe, which is now the new epicentre. Initially I was really sad, but since March it's gone exponentially worse, which obviously forced the government to ban travel.

So, even before the 100 people ban was implemented, we were in the process of postponing the wedding. It's just the mental energy and effort needed was too much for me to bear. Again, before the 100 people ban, I had my breakdown on March 8th, because I knew Aus would ban gatherings, and it was just so disappointing and frustrating. Been planning even before we got engaged in Feb 2019, and now the planning has to continue to Jan 2021. The process of redoing invites, chasing up RSVPs, sorting out details all over again and reconfirming everything is just time wasted to me. I was hoping to invest my time this year further building my relationship with Blair, the church and with God. Tbh, I am so over planning. I didn't even bother to start planning a runsheet, since once things were getting bad overseas end of Feb and beginning of March, I knew in my heart, the 'peak' would hit before our wedding. I really don't care if it rains, hails or shines on the wedding celebration day, or if a million things go wrong. I just want it to be over and done with. It's been dragged out for so long. I guess postponing it might mean my relatives may be able to come from overseas. I'm also glad that all the vendors relaxed their strict cancellation/rebooking policies, and we could retain our deposit and postpone to another date free of charge. Also, everyone was someone free again that date. We both absolutely despise summer, and no doubt will suffer in the heat, with melted make up, and sweat, but compared to this crisis we are currently facing, it's literally no big deal.

This ordeal has been a good reminder, particularly for me, to not focus about making it the 'perfect' or  'dream' wedding I had imagined when I was a young girl, but to remind me it's the days and years which are the most important. I was happy to settle with a registry wedding, but before the Government even announced a 5 people wedding, The Uniting Church of Australia already banned any events, official or unofficial. Since our pastor has his celebrant licence under the Uniting Church, it means we can't sign the paper or else it would be illegal. Getting a 'normal' celebrant isn't meaningful to us. So I guess the Uniting Church will lift it's ban once coronavirus has subsided. Hopefully it doesn't take until Jan 2021... Legally and for logistical purposes, we want to sign it ASAP.

With rumours last Wednesday of a potential full lockdown last Friday, Blair and I weren't taking any chances of being separated indefinitely. We already secured a rental apartment for mid March, so last week we already started to pay rent. This past weekend was literally emergency moving. Multiple Ikea trips to buy essential furniture. Moving the TV, storage shelves, heaps of computers/screens, and mattress in storage from Blair's house, moving a spare dining table and lots of bits and pieces from my house. Only moved my work clothes and some home clothes (since no one can go out, so no point moving 'going out' clothes). Luckily Blair moved all his computer gear since he needs to WFH and run multiple online tutorials from USYD and UNSW. I'm so thankful for my parents helping to clean the apartment, building and moving furniture. Timing wise, things worked out well since the bed we ordered beginning of the year was already ready to be picked up the day I moved in. Panic bought a fridge last Friday (apparently the whole truck was full of fridges, since people panic buying and need to store more food), but thank goodness we have a fridge to store basic food necessities. If we were looking for big pieces of furniture now, it would be so risky going into shops furniture browsing, and I wouldn't be surprised if they halted or slowed production in this crisis. The couch we ordered a month ago had a projection time of 4 months to make, so won't arrive till June, and probs not even later if production is halted. Due to panic moving, our home feels more like a hotel since the apartment is fairly new, and we are both way too busy to personalise it, or take knick knacks from our homes to make it more homely. Covid crisis, panic moving, apartment mess everywhere. I'll clean once we're in lockdown.

I'm thankful we didn't purchase any property, since heading into a recession and possibility losing jobs we would not be able to repay the mortgage. Even if we can't repay the rent in time, we can always ask our parents for help.

In an ideal world - but there is no ideal world, Covid 19 has been said to be economically bad as The Great Depression and WW2, and the world hasn't seen anything hit quite as bad. Anyways, in an ideal world, the 'order' of things would be to get engaged, bridal shower, get married, honeymoon, move in together. Well literally nothing is ordinary right now, with projected 2 million Australians (1 in 10) to lose their jobs. So it looks like once things start to ease, it'll be already moved in, signing of the registry/officially married, bridal shower, wedding + reception celebration, no honeymoon. The date was chosen to fit around Blair's teaching schedule and PhD commitments and for me to accumulate leave. It looks like we'll be heading into a shutdown soon, so it'll mean I'll have to use up all my annual leave, and then won't have enough for when next year comes around. No one even knows how long the shutdown would last for. Lucky I accumulated my leave from last year...I guess if I run out of AL, it'll just be leave without pay. It's ok if I was still living with my parents, but not with rent to pay...I obviously don't have the luxury of wfh, and still see people whose face is 10cm away from me. My risk of catching it from some random person at work is pretty high, so I'm glad we have this apartment, where I can isolate myself, and I don't risk infecting my parents.

Unfortunately I haven't had a single successful holiday since working. HK/Japan trip cancelled last year due to HK protests, now Coronavirus and travel ban around the world. So much money lost from honeymoon, almost all the hotels are non refundable. Some made an exception to refund the money, which was good. I should've cancelled our Qantas flights before the travel ban was implemented, because they are now offering only credit vouchers no matter what type of ticket or booking conditions you purchased. Our were refundable, and just had to pay a cancellation fee. Now, they're only offering travel credit which needs to be used in a years. Our flights just to and from Europe were not cheap, around $2.3kpp, and I don't think we have the time to fly somewhere in 2021 before the travel credit expires...so it's a sunk cost. Most of the small European flights in between countries also giving travel credits for cancelled flights. I booked through like 3 different airlines, so I doubt I will ever use them again for European flights, since who knows, some of them may just be bankrupt by the time we reach the other side of the curve, or they may not fly between the cities. Most of the flights I booked even before the crisis, only had flights to the cities I wanted around 2 to 3 times a week only. Another sunk cost, but as Blair mentioned, it's really our flight credits/non refundable hotel money keeping those families alive. At the end of the day, holidays are really a luxury and definitely not a necessity. I must admit, I'm so glad I did most of my travelling to Europe and America in 2018, and Asia in 2017. Can't go anywhere now for a long time...

I'm actually genuinely worried I'll lose my job. If there's a shut down, it means I can't go to work, and once I exhaust my AL, then go with leave with no pay, which may mean the company may start making people redundant. Again, depending on how long it'll go for. I guess in these tricky situations, it's good to work for a global, corporate company, as they probably have some back up finances compared to a small independent shop whose boss is the owner. At the same time, our global head office is in Italy, and oh gosh, the amount of deaths even with a full lockdown with military guarding the streets is just unimaginable. You see and hear it on the news, but it's just so crazy how it's spreading there...I think I'll tell my future kids ti have a job which allows you to work from home...It's also really sad to see people lose their jobs in a snap of a finger in some many areas of the work force....I'm glad I still have my job, for now...I wish I could help Blair since his tasks have increased 10x, by moving everything online in just 2 days was crazy, and so many things stuffing up, student complaints, and that's no even to starting with the PhD. We're glad that he managed to get his data collection last year, as it involves a lot fo travelling interviewing people first hand experience working remotely (and the irony now is that everyone is forced to work remotely). However, the uni's are making people redundant soon, which means less job prospects next year for when he finishes his PhD...I really hope at the end of this we are both not unemployed, one or half an income is better than nothing. Again, it's a good reminder to us to really trust the plans God made from us, and a reminder of Matthew 6 to not worry about the troubles of tomorrow. Me being always super stressed about everything doesn't help, but everything is out of our control. Just have to make the best out of an bad situation.

I'm thankful to have Blair to keep me sane throughout all this. Wedding planning is already stressing in itself, just in Coronavirus and things just explode...

Also happy that Dandelion's wedding and Happy Apple's sister's wedding could go ahead without any big dramas. Not gonna lie, it's hard to want something that I can't have right in this current climate, but it's understandable for the government to reduce weddings to 5 people now, and really important to implement social distancing. It's really in the best interest of the whole world. It's so weird seeing no chairs in the food courts and taped off with security guarding the area, shops notice outside saying how many people can be inside a store at once, and really being 2m away from everyone. What a weird time we live in...Stay safe everyone and please keep on social distancing.

2 months to go

Two months to go, and a whole lot to be planned. I think even from the 6 months to go, we both wanted the whole organising to be over and just be married already. To any future fiancé's, shorter engagement periods are probably better to get everything over and done with quickly. Each to their one, but getting married in April was trying to reduce the amount of organising to cover Blair's lectures/tutorials/marking hassle etc. 

Pretty much nothing has been planned for reception, but yolo, I guess that's what I pay for an MC and their event coordinator to just figure out everything and we just plonk ourselves there. I think I used to be picky, but now I'm just like whatever is fine, just go with the flow. Had out menu tasting which was actually worth it, or else I would've picked a creme brûlée which sounded good on paper, but the chocolate was infused into the custard, so presentation wise looked like brown mush, and really put me off (didn't even finish that dessert). 9 plates between 2 people is so much food, haha. Still have no idea how transport on the day is going to work, at least there's always ubers. So many small details to organise, whilst also trying to clean and organising moving out.

Also went to the ATP cup in Sydney earlier in Jan, and really fun seeing some big names locally. It's been so busy I haven't even had time to blog, so below will be some highlights so far of 2020.

Early Vday Dinner at Aqua Dining

These days I'm really bad at remembering what I ate. I still remember the flavours and what it looks like, just forgetting ingredients...maybe if I have time I'll blog about the food. These days meeting up with people, I really don't mind where we eat, since it's the company which is more important.

Seeing all the trains stuck on the bridge (the day after the massive flash flooding/storm)

Hope to take up swimming again in the future (maybe after the wedding)

Thanks Blair for these roses 💜

Australia Day in lieu high tea at Burnt Orange, then a 2 hours coastal walk with the optom crew

Now that my roster's finally changed, I can go to church! It was a big pay cut, but again, time and fellowship with people is more important than money in the long run, since you can't buy more time, but can always earn more money.  For my second Sunday off (without leave), went to Nara's Hens flower arrangement workshop. It was really interesting learning about flowers, but tbh, I don't think I can even maintain a bouquet of flowers at home, who has time to trim the stem everyday and change the water...It was such a fun afternoon spending time with friends.

flowers with stripped off leaves

The bouquet stands! I love a traditional round posy, but my skills are non existent, so it goes up and down (particularly when I tried to make a rose the main centrepiece but it somehow made it's way to the edge and I literally just stuck it in the centre lol)

 

bouquet all wrapped up

Can't wait till she gets married!

Tall and short bouquets 

There's probably a lot more to say, but somehow not enough time after work (how did I manage 4 hours daily commutes, 9am-6pm 5 days a week of uni and then still studied at night...). Actually I do know the answer, and these days I spend it watching too much trashy stuff when I should be cleaning/tidying/organising. Have received almost all the RSVPs for the reception, even though today is the last day. Still unsure what's happening with relatives coming from overseas... 

I don't know if it's weird, but I don't feel scared/paranoid about coronavirus. I just worry that I'll catch a cold in the lead up to the wedding. Feels like every weekend/days off there's so much planned, from meetings, to browsing for furniture, to organising car insurance (car rear ended beginning of this month, and only just a few months ago it was repaired for a hit and run). Ironically now I don't have Tuesdays off, but seems like lots of things require Tuesdays off. I'm actually glad I have a weekday off, since so many things are closed on weekends. 

Am I stressed? Yeah, I am, but it was expected, which sort of makes me ceebs. So many things to organise for when we move out. As Blair always says, 'Deals with it later.' Adulting is hard, but it's an exciting adventure. Can't wait to start out new lives together!